well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You smell like stripper and shame
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
