how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
