Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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