cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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