I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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