Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
