I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
