im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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