God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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