she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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