nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
