I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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