why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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