in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
