I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
