I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
