Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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