this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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