So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
