There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
