Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Green mimosas i think yes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
