Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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