Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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