i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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