What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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