Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
