When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
