In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
