Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
