Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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