When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
