On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
