Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
