she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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