I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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