Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
