Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
