Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
