Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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