It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
