Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
