Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
