I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
