you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
