Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
