If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
