My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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