highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
