everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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