why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
