well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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