just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
