I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize