wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
