the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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