A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
