So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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