believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize