u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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