That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
