I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
