she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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