just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
