Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
