You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
