I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
