She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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