Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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