the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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