I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
