dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
