I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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