Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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