make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
