first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
