I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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