so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
