We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
