What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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