saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
