So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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