Soap is not a condiment
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
