I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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