I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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